My Beloved and I

How do I explain what my beloved is in my life? When I wrote my profile, I first wrote "BF". Then that bugged me: the terms "boyfriend" and "girlfriend" have always sounded to me as if they belonged to high school students, not fully mature adults. What to use instead? "Lady-friend" and "Gentleman Friend" make us sound like senior citizens, and we're not. He, especially, is not -- I am considerably older than he is. So I started to explain "actually, he's a lot more than that" and realized that I don't owe it to the general public to explain what he is in my profile. So I changed the term itself to "beloved," which he most certainly is, even if the term is a bit dated.

What else he is: busy adapting to new medication that leaves him very sleepy, which means we're not talking this morning -- a morning ritual. I know it will get better, but it usually takes a catastrophe for us not to talk for a day or two, and a week would be torture beyond bearing. Lately, though, there have been good, legitimate reasons we haven't had our usual time together.
So I have been in withdrawal, sad, lonely and somewhat depressed, and I'm eagerly awaiting having him back. This is my best friend I'm missing as much as anything else, and I know he misses me too. Fortunately for him, though, he's sleeping through it.

And the good news? No, we didn't just meet a month or two or six ago: this is not the first flush of a crush. This is how we are. We have a lot of things stacked against us, enough to make most people give up in advance, but we know that we simply belong together. That goes a long way in the face of obstacles, of which there are many.

For those of you who disapprove, I will say this: first, there is little enough real love in the world that I don't find it fitting to censure anyone else's, whether the couple is straight, gay, bi, or otherwise, whether there is a large age difference, or whether there is some other supposed impediment to the relationship. Second, it seems to me absolutely clear that anyone can love more than one person. Most people love their family members and friends. They decide, largely for societal reasons, I believe, that they can only love one person romantically. I have to wonder how true that is, or would be, if they weren't brainwashed from the cradle. I don't think it's anything naturally built into us because it isn't true for most other animals.

Those of us who practice polyamory find it totally possible to love more than one person romantically, and equally possible not to be jealous of our significant other's significant other(s). I have before and do now love more than one person (I'm still happily married), and yes, my beloved has another partner, and that's fine with me. I wouldn't want him to be lonely when I'm not there if I love him, would I? Yes, his partner knows about me and is supportive of the relationship, and yes, my husband knows about my lover. There is no "cheating" going on: real polyamory is not about having an affair. It's about loving more than one person but being honest about it, and going out of your way to see to it that nobody gets hurt.

If you think this is immoral, that's fine, but I don't, we don't, and you're not going to change my/our mind(s). My family is the core of my life; I have no desire to change that. My love is part of my heart and soul, and I wouldn't change that if I could. Wake up, my love ... I miss you.

Have a nice day.