I was talking to a very old friend this weekend -- a Craft student of mine, in fact. He wanted to know if I'm teaching now. I'm mostly not. The reason isn't obvious, either. It has to do with my autoimmune diseases.
No, they're not contagious. The problem is that they're exhausting. Chronic fatigue is one of the primary SX's (symptoms) of lupus and is a defining SX of fibromyalgia, which, although it is not technically an autoimmune disease (there are no blood markers for it), mimics AI diseases so closely in its SX's that it is often counted among them.
That means I take stimulants all day to function, but by the end of the day, I'm wiped out. Fortunately, if you're Wiccan, you can worship anywhere, anytime, in the middle of a crowded room, and nobody will know. But you can't do most full and new moon rituals mid-day. And even staying awake past dark to do a ritual requires extra rest during the day and extra stimulants for me. Easier in the winter when dark comes earlier. Since my kids are getting of an age to train soon, I'm going to have to figure out an answer to this one.
The diseases have other impacts, as well. Lupus patients have a seven times greater chance than "normal" people of being migraineurs, so my lupus is a contributing factor to my chronic migraines.
As a Ps (priestess), I am supposed to fast before rituals -- something that is likely to trigger a migraine. And because it is, I am absolved from the requirement (we're not inhumane, and we wouldn't want, say, a brittle diabetic fasting), except that I know perfectly well why the rule is there and what a difference it makes whether I do it or not. So I prefer to keep to it and take my chances, which don't always manifest. Or to limit myself to liquids, anyway.
And what if I have a migraine anyway on a ritual day? Fasting includes no sex, alcohol, or drugs beyond prescriptions. Technically, my pain meds are prescriptions, but the point is not to alter consciousness artificially, but to leave it open to magical change during the ritual. You can't do that on Vicodin. So if I'm in pain, ideally I go without pain management, at least for the few hours before the ritual. But if I'm in a lot of pain, I can't concentrate on the ritual. It's a toss-up. I have to make my best call. Again, the disease sneaks in on my magical life.
Nobody ever said life as a chronic pain patient was easy, but probably not that many people are concerned with how it affects their religous lives.
Meanwhile, some very nice people some distance from us have invited our family to rituals at their place, but we have turned down the invitation more often than not because I couldn't stay awake. I enjoy the fellowship. They're even from a cousin tradition to my own. Regrettable, truly.
My friend is right. I should be more proactive. These are my challenges, though, not his. I need to practice what I preach about everything being possible despite these diseases if one is motivated enough...
Guess I need to work on the motivation.
Have a nice day.
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